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NOTE: The poem should have the shape of a tree. If it looks messy, your monitor is too narrow. Press "Ctrl" and "-" until it fits into your monitor, or follow the link in the author's comments. Thank you!



                                         In darkness sweet I dream I sleep; my fate to wait till time is ripe
                                      A tender leaf curled in the seed,               an idea that would be freed
                                  I dream of branches: branches tall;
         for the stars bright to play in night
                             Of my crown reaching to the clouds,                   my leaves of light a splendid sight

                       It's time to wake, whispers the sun,                          stretch as you please the sleepy leaves
                   I'll bask in light and drink the rain,                                             the sap will flow, it's time to grow
               When cold and draught will set their snare,                                               I'll have the will to persevere
           From little seed a mighty tree:                                                                    a dream come true for all to see     
                                          


Like fairy-fingers delicate                                 In sleepy summer afternoon                            In autumn like a mourning queen
are branches thin that sprout in spring               when bees are busy buzzying 'round                 while taking leave of every leaf
and through the winds of winter wait                 the branches hum with silent tune                   she gives farewell to summer's green
to open like a gentle wing                                like gold and honey is that sound                     so proud and solemn in her grief

The branches thin that sprout in spring              The bees are busy buzzying 'round                   She's taking leave of every leaf
and buds with leaves, shy little palms                a soft purr of a content day                            that with stream of time flows away
will open like a gentle wing                               like gold and honey is that sound                     so proud and solemn in her grief
and sing with wind its rustling psalms                 when in warm breeze the branches sway           until just naked branches stay

The buds with leaves, shy little palms                A soft purr of a content day                            With stream of time leaves flow away
a new life of an ancient stem                           when air and light are both like one                   like summer's small funeral boats
will sing with wind its rustling psalms                 and in warm breeze the branches sway              until just naked branches stay
as seeping sap gives strength to them               under clouds chasing with the sun                    in time that ever forwards floats

A new life of an ancient stem                            When air and light are both like one                 Like summer's small funeral boats
  and branches reaching for the sky                   branches are reaching for the sky                   something is lost and something stays
    as seeping sap gives strength to them          for the clouds chasing with the sun,                 in time that ever forwards floats
      for all the seasons that fly by                and all the seasons that fly by                           in centuries just like in days

                                    Branches are reaching for the sky                                             Something is lost and something stays
                                         and stem is fortress against time,                                    and stem is fortress against time,
                                            for all the seasons that fly by                                  for centuries just like for days
                                              and for children to dream and climb              and for children to dream and climb

                                                                    The stem is fortress against time,
                                                                    and in old age it will give shade
                                                                    to the children that dreamt and climbed
                                                                    in memories that never fade

                                                                   In the old age it will give shade
                                                                   and calm green silence under leaves
                                                                   Those memories will never fade
                                                                   when winter comes and summer leaves

                                                                  The calm green silence under leaves
                                                                  and darkness of soil, soft and warm
                                                                  when winter comes and summer leaves
                                                                  the roots will withstand every storm
                  
                                    In darkness of soil, soft and warm             In darkness of soil, soft and warm
                     like in a safe and secret womb                                     the roots dream secret earthy dreams:
        the roots will withstand every storm                                                the roots that withstand every storm
so blooms in May may again bloom                                                            drinking from cool underground streams

Like in a safe and secret womb                             The roots dream secret earthy dreams        The roots dream secret earthy dreams
they through the winds of winter wait              while branches hum with silent tune                         about farewell to summer's green
so blooms in May may again bloom              drinking from cool underground streams                  drinking from cool underground streams
Like fairy-fingers delicate                       in sleepy summer afternoon                                              in autumn like a mourning queen 
The .jpg version: [link]

For the "Two forms, one theme" contest [link] (this took about a week to write)
The first form is Magali Shairi, and the second form is a pantoum.

The poem can be seen in more dimensions. From up to bottom, it follows the growth of a tree from seed, and then the tree itself from branches to roots. From left to righ it follows the tree in the cycle of seasons. And yes, it actually IS a tree in its form.

The Magali Shairi is read in lines, so I underlined the breaks in each verse when I wanted to adjust it to the shape of the tree, so you won't get confused in which direction to read. The lines also mark the cesura in the verse.

The rest is actually 3 pantoums, which can be read as a whole from up to bottom, with some parts common to two, or all of them.

About the whole poem, I would really appreciate some feedback from those of you who are native speakers. As English is not my first language, it's hard to me to distinguish if some formulations aren't awkward or overused - I rely on words I know to pronounce to make my rhymes.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-05-03
Poetree by =MirachRavaia Form poetry mixed together to create a beautiful image, this piece can be read in many directions. ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconkarinta:
Amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing. How is it that you are not native to English? You have a perfect grasp of it. Brilliant job...

The use of pantoum-like form is really nice and brings a sense of cycle or repetition in the tree's inner structure, and the Magali Shairi is the perfect prelude to the main body of work. I love how you branch off the pantoums and merge them together to represent the roots radiating out and the branches coming together. And a little detail that I like - usually self-rhyme is frowned upon, but the use of "leaves" in both the plural of "leaf" and the third-person present of "leave" is cool!

One tiny quibble: "wait" usually doesn't rhyme with "delicate" in most speech.

Other than that, excellent work.
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7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Right...so, I'm totally not a poetry person (as is obvious from my gallery), but that's so pretty. :D I'd never have the patience to do the formatting.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The formatting wasn't really that hard, I'm getting to like the stash writer...
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz: :iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :rose:
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner May 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::blowkiss::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
:iconinklingsofoblivion:
InklingsOfOblivion Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely fantastic. 100% deserving of a DD, I am so glad it got to be shared with the community :) :heart:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :rose:
Reply
:iconimaginative-lioness:
imaginative-lioness Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation, like I have said before this piece is absolutely wonderful :love:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :aww:
Reply
:iconfilly8:
Filly8 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm not really a poetry person but i will say that i truly enjoyed this! The structure of it and the mmany ways it can be read are just fantastic :) Great job!
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :iconaheartforyou:
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner May 3, 2013
:heart: Congrats on the DD! :clap:
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner May 3, 2013   General Artist
Congratulations on the DD, dear heart! :tighthug: :heart:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconsammur-amat:
Sammur-amat Featured By Owner May 6, 2013   General Artist
So very welcome, wonderful soul! :huggle: <3
Reply
:icongalespider:
GaleSpider Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well done! The way you talked about how trees take their courses on each season and the way you shaped the words into a tree. Creative!
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! I think I've exhausted the topic of trees in my poetry for some time :D
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:icongalespider:
GaleSpider Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!
Oh that's all right :)
Reply
:iconbatphace:
BatPhace Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
That is ....most ingenious :D Well done :D
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :D
Reply
:icontie-dye-flag:
tie-dye-flag Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Wow, it does look like a tree! Awesome!
You have some serious skills, my friend. :icongoodjobplz:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :aww:
Reply
:iconanawkwardblue:
AnAwkwardBlue Featured By Owner May 3, 2013
Wow, just wow. I love the versatility one can read the poem with, and it's beautiful anyway you read it. As for your English, I never would have guessed that it wasn't your first language!
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :iconaheartforyou:
Reply
:iconjankolas:
jankolas Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Jeeeej. :dance: Gratulujeeem. Tvoja druhá DD. Moc ma to potešilo. :clap::clap::clap::woohoo:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ďakujeeeem! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconjankolas:
jankolas Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconglompglompplz:
Reply
:iconalterego1629:
AlterEgo1629 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful and amazing! I was even more intrigued when I realized it is just as lovely read from the bottom up.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! From the bottom up? I'm not sure I planned it to be readable in that direction too, but good if it is :D
Reply
:iconwanderlings:
Wanderlings Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
stunning structure and beautiful stanzas and verses. congrats on the very well deserved DD! :)
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! :rose:
Reply
:iconrainbowdaughter:
RainbowDaughter Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow! this is amazing! i love the repetition of lines in the following paragraph! this definitely deserved a DD.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! But the repetition of the lines is not my invention, it's the principle of a poetic form called "pantoum", which I used here :)
Reply
:iconrainbowdaughter:
RainbowDaughter Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
oh ok. I don't know much about poem types so that's why I didn't pick up on it. It's really effective though and works well in a poem about a living thing growing. It's a really good poem.
Reply
:iconjazzninja545:
Jazzninja545 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
OH MY WORD. this is truly a wonderful piece of poetry. So creative, so beautiful, and so insightful. As for your English, I did not even realize that it wasn't your native language. It's near perfect. very well done!
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, thank you very much! I like trying to guess the thoughts of trees ;)
Reply
:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional General Artist
THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is really incredible. I mean ... WOW!!!

I even want to do a piece out of it! It's sooo complex! :iconcannotevenplz:

PLease please please please, let me us this poem to write a piece with 3 voices
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, thank you very much! Sure you can write a poem based on it if you just don't copy it :)
Reply
:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional General Artist
No no no... not write a poem. A musical piece with this poem.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, sure! Just list me as the text writer :) (Either as MirachRavaia or Eva BrutovskŠ) And if you do it, I would like to hear it! ;)
Reply
:iconpianocanival:
Pianocanival Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Professional General Artist
Of course ^^ You'll be the first one to hear it :D
Reply
:iconzbee8:
Zbee8 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student General Artist
wow
from this i cant tell the english isnt your first language!
you did awesome
congrats on the DD! <3
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! If you heard me speak it, you would be able to tell immediately :D
Reply
:iconzbee8:
Zbee8 Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Student General Artist
hahaha
i doubt it but okay
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:iconvisanastasis:
VisAnastasis Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
DD! :squee:
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:la:
Reply
:iconvisanastasis:
VisAnastasis Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconlachoirplz:
Reply
:iconschnitzelyne:
Schnitzelyne Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:iconcongratsddplz:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 3, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
Reply
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