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O golden cage of Gondolin,                 is covetousness a crime?

Behind the bars a bird                       felt freedom for first time

Aredhel Ar-Feiniel                                    and Eöl, elven smith

Found wonder in the woods,    between branches didn’t breathe

As she in the shade stood                  he saw her beauty bloom

Love piercing as a lance                         in the gathering gloom

Her freedom loving heart                   in shadows shimmers light

Gondolin’s grief is nigh                        nearing darkness of night

There are three ways to read this poem: the usual way in lines as a whole, and the two columns can be read separately as well. Each of them should make sense... I hope it does, at least :) It also uses alliteration - words starting with the same sound.
(I've seen this form here: [link])

For B2MeM prompts:
B15: Alliterative verse (Poetic forms)
B15: Aredhel (5 books 5 characters)

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:iconlaurfinde:
Laurfinde Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Lovely! I really like that you were able to fit the rhyme in with it. But overall it is very delicately and artfully constructed. :D
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
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:iconvisanastasis:
VisAnastasis Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow.. :wow:
* can't compose good enough comment.. I don't know to write well, so it would not really explain well what I like.. :saddummy:*
But I can simply say I love it, can I? :dummy:
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
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:iconvisanastasis:
VisAnastasis Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, you are most welcome, my dear! :cuddle:
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:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is awesome!!!
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
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:iconembrethil:
Embrethil Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I'm not even going to ask how long it took you to write this. It's incredible. :D So much skill. *bows down and worships*


Re Old English poetry, it wasn't capable of being read in two different ways. The way it's printed with the break is to show the two feet within each line. In the manuscripts it's all written out continuously like prose. :)
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
About 3 bus rides :D (it takes me half an hour to get to work and back every day, so it's a good time to create poems :)) Thank you very much!

I guess nobody would bother with this in the looooong sagas :D I have seen it in some recent poem, and the author said in the comments it was read this way, so I thought it could be trie for some shorter form of poetry (if there even was short poetry in that time). Thank you for the explanation!
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:iconembrethil:
Embrethil Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Yes, that is a good time. I always end up thinking about characters while travelling too. :D


Hmm, well there are shorter poems that survive. They're mainly riddles, and I don't know if it might be possible to read them this way. I suspect not, but can look into it.
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:iconannathelle26:
Annathelle26 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:worship::love:
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
it's a bit like my recent - [link]
but your format is much better.

;)
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Not sure if better, but different. I remember seeing this format in some poem written in the style of Old English poetry, but I'm not sure where it was and if it was really used in Old English. Haven't you heard something about it by chance?
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:iconalapip:
alapip Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i'm not well read in new poetry,
let alone old, Eva. :shrug:

i just happened to notice the
possibility in a haiku i was
about to post, so split it in
two and retitled it.

:)pip
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:iconsylvansmith:
SylvanSmith Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Very good.
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconchrisonekrux:
ChrisoneKrux Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012
Beautiful poem, I love it <3
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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