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He:

Among the songs of waterfalls

in a valley green and fair

I sang the song of Lúthien

and spring was in the air.


She:

Among the birches' silver trunks

I heard your silent song.

And I saw youth and innocence -

- and I felt something strong.


He:

In that moment I lost my heart:

forever will it dwell

enchanted in your tender palm

in spring in Rivendell.


She:

The wind sang in the mallorn leaves:

each leaf a small green gem.

I found no peace with summer breeze

in dreamy Lórien.


He:

From distant lands under strange stars

I came weary, my feet sore.

I sought only rest from the war -

- and I found so much more...


She:

You came to me like a king of old,

a white gem upon your brow.

And what I saw was a noble man.

And what I felt... was love.


He:

Autumn has come to Rivendell,

the leaves wither and fall.

And I must go: to victory,

or to the end of all.


She:

I watch you leave: as strong and wise

as a mighty king of Men.

And behind darkness, winter's chill

I hope we meet again.


He:

The path is dark, the shadow grows,

on the edge of hope I stand.

But I don't fear, because my heart

is safely in your hand.


She:

The river sings about the Sea,

but I stay on this shore.

For, without you, there is no joy

for me in Valinor.


He:

My Evenstar, you are my light

when darkness spreads its wing.

And after winter cold and bleak

I still have hope for spring.


She:

Like in the woods of Doriath

the spring will come again.

You are my Beren, you're my love,

and I'm your Lúthien.
Beren walked lonely in the woods of Doriath for the whole winter, until Lúthien returned with the spring. Now Middle-earth is falling into darkness and winter again - but there is love that reaches through it with hope. Written for Teitho: Elven Realms ([link])


Featured: :icondanaanderson:[link] :iconegil21:[link]
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:iconrstrider9:
rstrider9 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2012
Oh I love, love, love, this one! Beautiful!
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
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:iconreinoutjansen:
ReinoutJansen Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
it kinda reminds me of the song of the Ents..
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, it's the same concept of a love duet and seasons, just with different characters :)
Reply
:iconreinoutjansen:
ReinoutJansen Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
It's nice :)
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
Reply
:iconshadowhime:
shadowhime Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2010
wow....i mean WOW! this is great, first time i've read a LOTR fan poem and its just beautiful. *shakes your hand* i love LOTR and i love this.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! I'm glad you like my poem!
Reply
:iconvitaminanime:
vitaminanime Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2010
enchanting
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
Literary love duet's are such a delight. :heart:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh yes, and it was Tolkien who showed me how to use them :D
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: He's been quite an inspiration to much of my work.
Reply
:icontheswimmingstar:
TheSwimmingStar Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009
This is really beautiful. It brought tears in my eyes. I really love the way it is written and the words that you used.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! I'm really glad that you liked it! :iconfurrydanceplz:
Reply
:iconfaetian:
FaeTian Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
So beautiful! :love:
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much!
Reply
:iconarvenaperedhel:
ArvenaPeredhel Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
This is BEAUTIFUL - how awesome to finally find a real song for the both of them!
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! I just wish I could sing it, but alas, I have no musical talent for it! :)
Reply
:iconyubria:
Yubria Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009
Very beautiful, I especially like the last two lines. I like finding nice poetry that has some sort of structure to it, it's rather rare nowadays.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! I like this type of poetry too, although it "unmodern" now... I'm glad that I'm not alone!
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:iconyubria:
Yubria Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009
Me too!
Reply
:iconlaleanen:
Laleanen Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009
Exquisite. The rhythm you've chosen is very Tolkienesque, which makes it even better.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
That it reminds you on Tolkien is a great honor to me. Thank you very much!
Reply
:iconcrowmaiden:
CrowMaiden Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
Love it! :D
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Many thanks!
Reply
:iconsecond-thoughts:
Second-Thoughts Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2009
I know it's a bit late for this and I would have told you earlier, if only I had seen the song earlier! ;)
What I wanted to say, you could have changed the line 'in the fair Lórien.' into 'in fair Lothlórien.' as well.. I think, it's a phrase Tolkien himself has used in one of his poems. But your solution is really good after all, so it's not that important. :)

..and this is indeed a very nice song :D
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you for the suggestion, I really appreciate it! But I'm not going to change "dreamy Lórien" - it is not often that I know that this is just the perfect word, but I had this feeling now: it is because of the etymology of the word that Treebeard explains to Merry and Pippin: Lórien, or Lothlórien, was once called Laurelindórenan, Land of the Valley of Singing Gold. But it has shortened to Lothlórien, the Dreamflower. That's why "dreamy"...
Thank you for the comment!

Mirach
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:iconleurindal:
Leurindal Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
how beautiful :rose:

some picky grammatical/linguistic points (hope my corrections are not becoming irritating!)
-'And I saw youth and innocence…' how about 'I beheld youth and innocence' - sounds more Tolkienish
-'In that moment I’ve lost my heart:
forever it will dwell' - that moment refers to a specific moment in the past, and thus you should use past simple ('I lost my heart';). I think 'will it dwell' sounds nicer than 'it will dwell'.
- 'in the fair Lórien.' Lorien is a place - no article! how about replacing fair by wondrous? in this way you make up for the lost syllable in 'the'
-'I sought only rest from the war' - removing 'the' improves line's flow
-'You came to me like elven king,
a white gem upon your brow.
And what I saw was noble man.
And what I felt… was love.'
Here you need to put an article before elven king and noble man (an & a). I loved the last line of this stanza!
-The autumn came to Rivendell,
the leaves wither and fall. - Here you should use present perfect - 'has come to Rivendell' as you used present tense in the following line

I think that this is your loveliest poem so far. I liked this very very much. There is a certain flow in this poem that really pleases me. Well done, Eva, i look forward to reading more such wonderful poems!!!
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:iconmisconducted:
Misconducted Featured By Owner May 9, 2010
As to "In the fair Lórien", it is not only a place, but the Valar Lord of dreams and visions, hence to say "In the fair Lórien" could be taken to be an elegant metaphor for the realm of dreams. That might be too esoteric a reference though... ^^;

Concerning "I sought only rest from the war", the 'flow' to which you refer is called scan, or scansion. And yes, I agree it would improve the scan to remove the syllable, as I have below tried to endorse. Excellent suggestion, and thank you for providing a grammatically intuitive comment! There aren't enough around these days.
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:iconleurindal:
Leurindal Featured By Owner May 10, 2010
ah, a fellow Tolkien enthusiast I see! Excellent :)

My point about Lorien was simply about the inadequacy of an article in front of a proper noun (be it location or Valar).

Thanks for the info about scansion - I often lack the correct jargon :) And yes, I agree that there's a dearth of critical commenting :nod:
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:iconmisconducted:
Misconducted Featured By Owner May 10, 2010
I'm not an expert on the technical construction of sentences, but I'm fairly sure I've read proper nouns with articles when interceeded by an adjective (Especially if the interceeding adjective happened to be "noble"; "The noble Boromir" at least does not sound out of place to me.).

As I linked to Mirach above (or below? This comment system boggles the mind), [link] and [link] are excellent guides to all terms, constructions, permutations and exceptions metrical.
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:iconleurindal:
Leurindal Featured By Owner May 10, 2010
thank you very much for the links - I'll be sure to give them a careful read as soon as my exams are out of the way.
Reply
:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Ai, I should read the comments before posting, especially comments about grammar!

*in the count of syllables
*is quite difficult
*I changed

:D
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much! Certaily are they not iritating, but very helpful! I tried to achieve the flow of the poem by using a steady rhythm in the cound of syllables in the verses: 8 6 8 6 , so in some places correcting os quite difficult without disturbing the rhythm.

- I left "I saw youth and innocence" because of the repeating of this idea in "And what I saw was (a) noble man"
- "I lost my heart": ai, tenses! my head hurts of them, but I'll believe you about it :)
- so no articles with places... I'll remember. But wondruos sounds loo much like an advertisement to me :) - so I changet if for "dreamy"
- "I sought only rest from the war" - removing "the" leaves me with 7 syllables, what I don't want...
- the articles... are they counted as a syllable? I have the feeling the "an" would be, but I'm not sure about "a", so I changed "elven king" to "king of old" and used "a" for both. But still I don't know if it's 8 or 9 syllables...
- the same problem with the autumn in Rivendell, I can change it to "Autumn has come to Rivendell" or "The autumn comes to Rivendell" but I'm not sure which one is correct.

Oh, so much grammar for one day! :D Thank you very, very much! :rose:
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:iconmisconducted:
Misconducted Featured By Owner May 9, 2010
I agree with your keeping "And I saw youth and innocence"; the spondaic foot "I beheld youth" would have created would have defied the otherwise fluid and elven rhythm your primarily iambic metre attains.

Removing the "the" from "I sought only rest from the war" would reduce you to 7 syllables, but the position of stresses is more poetically important (and linguistically noticable) that syllable count, and by removing the "the", you'll be retaining a trochaic catalexis, which sounds more (as I have above commented) fluid, elegant, and elvish.

If my comments about metre seem outlandish or alien, please consult [link]

Also, thoroughly brilliant poem/lyric.
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you very much for the helpful advice! I'll have to read the article thoroughly, because my problem with English is, that sometimes I'm not sure how a word is pronounciated correctly, and where are the stresses... But my main method of choosing words for the poem is, if it sounds right to me :)
Also, I was amazed and honoured when I saw your conversation with Leu about my poem :blushes: Many thanks to both of you for the help with it! :rose:
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:iconmisconducted:
Misconducted Featured By Owner May 11, 2010
[link] , the previous installment in the tutorial series that I linked to you above, has a helpful section on identifying where the stresses lie in words.

Otherwise, I'm glad that I could be of assistance.
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner May 11, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you!
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:iconleurindal:
Leurindal Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
-well done, hadn't noticed that!
-do believe me :D
-dreamy is a great word - lovely!
-if i were you i wouldn't focus so much on counting syllables, but try to appreciate how it sounds. For me, the article 'the' hinders the flow, not helps it, even though it adds up to 8 syllables. Remember that it's not just about counting syllables, it's also about stresses on syllables, and i think that's why 'the' doesn't sound right. if you're unsure, either leave it as it is or perhaps ask someone else for a second opinion!
- both 'a' and 'an' count as syllables. the way you changed it is perfectly fine :)
-hmm yes that's right! 'Autumn has come to Rivendell' is precisely what i was going to suggest!

You're always welcome, Eva! Don't worry about the typos, sometimes they happen to me too :) well done again lovely poem!
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I focus on counting syllables because I'm not sure with my pronounciation :) I'll try to find someone to read it to me properly so that I can hear how it sounds, and then I'll see what to do with it.

Thank you again! :hug:
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:iconleurindal:
Leurindal Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
good idea! you're welcome! :hug:
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:icondanaanderson:
DanaAnderson Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
I wondered how it all happened and now thanks to you I know it! =)
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Yes, this is their story - or a poetic shortcut of it :)
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:icondanaanderson:
DanaAnderson Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
It's beautifully made! =) Thank you for such a lovely story! Tolkien himself put it not so picturesque!
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you! :hug:
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:iconlirulin-yirth:
Lirulin-yirth Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009
Oh... *sits and stares*
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope you are not staring at them! That can be considered voyering, you know... :P
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:iconlirulin-yirth:
Lirulin-yirth Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
Is there any sin and any perversion that I don't have in my records?
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:iconmirachravaia:
MirachRavaia Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't know, is there? :)
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